Support Ugly Artists (PSA)

You guys? What the FUCK is wrong with everyone? I could say that video killed the radio star but MTV ruined that joke almost before it existed. Bastards!

Queen. Led Zeppelin. Pink Floyd. The Rolling Stones. Beethoven. Chopin. At least 12 of the Bachs. None of these artists would have a fart's chance in the wind of getting signed today. And why? Because they're UGLY. Some of them just by modern TV-type standards, but some to the eye of most reasonable people. And I'm here to say that it doesn't matter.

I can't even believe anyone has to say this.

I hate to insult you guys but I am starting to believe that you'd rather have Katy Perry than Edith Piaf, and that's flat ALL KINDS of fucked up. Katy Perry is an exceptionally beautiful woman and she has a cute personality but COME ON. Is that all it takes? Because No. I do not accept that and neither should you. We should all be demanding more than a pretty face from our music. Music is already a medium with which to express, among other things, beauty. Need the interpreter be beautiful as well? Of course not. Picasso did not look like Guernica. Jane Austen was not a beautiful woman.

I for one am very tired of being told people are talented when they are merely attractive. The Jonas brothers? Justin Bieber? That girl who has currency in her name? Are you SERIOUS? All of these people make more money than you or I ever will and that's just BULLSHIT. And, to be frank, even their beauty is fleeting. The age of contractability gets lower all the time, and I blame YOU.

Case in point; Brittney Spears. Remember how you loved her? How you bought her records and had posters of her and thought naughty things about her before she was even legal? Yeah, and what has happened to her now? She is the punchline to a joke you yourselves wrote long ago. On whom can we pin the blame of her grotesque downfall? On her manager? Her parents? The record label? No, dear readers who are probably assholes, the fault lies squarely on YOU. You who bought her albums, you who taught her that being pretty would last forever and that it was all she need do, you who are laughing, now, at the monster you yourselves have created. Shame on you! She is a real person and this fucked up situation has made her into a caricature.

I admit I was waiting for Ms. Spears to fall in exactly this way. I longed, back when she was popular, for the day when it would come back to bite her in her untalented ass. But that just means I am an asshole of a different stripe because now that she's fallen I feel only anger and pity, no satisfaction. I pity her and her children and all those who will come after her and bear her stigma, and I am angry at YOU for making this happen. Because this is entirely your fault.

If you jerks would quit buying "music" just because the people in the associated videos are pretty, the US record industry would not be in this mess. The record labels can only afford to sign and promote the Hot because of how hard you people ignore the Not.

You know who should be more famous? Cake. Cake OWNS but they are not handsome. They are producing some of the most lyrically intelligent music available today, as far as I know. But there's probably some even uglier, smarter band out there that I've never even fucking heard of because they can't get that kind of exposure because you people can't stay interested in a dude who weighs more than about a buck and a half unless he's in it for the comedy. THANKS ASSHOLES

Seriously, everyone, please let's begin once again to listen with our ears instead of our eyes. Check this out. This dude was maybe one of the ugliest people in music ever but he was writing shit two hundred years ago that you still whistle today. He was so ugly, in fact, and so mean, that he straight up could not get laid and had to resort to prostitutes for his um physical needs. And that situation made him an excellent candidate for catching syphillis, which in due time he did, which lead to him being more-or-less deaf when he wrote arguably the best and most famous piece of music ever written. Please do us all a favor. Listen to that whole seven minutes and then ask yourself if you'd trade it for motherfucking Li'l Kim. If your answer is Yes, stop buying music. Thank you.